Sunday, August 10, 2008

Norwegians Don't Do it Better.

From FC in Hollywood:

When I was 20 years old, I worked for a cruddy ol' management company. Part of my job was to bring new actors into the company for possible representation. Once a month, I was invited to acting teacher Bobbi Chance's showcase in Sherman Oaks. I met this 40-year-old-pretending-to-be-25 actor named Taylor. We hung out for awhile and he decided to hook me up with his Norwegian friend, Sebastian. I kind of dug him. Sebastian reminded me a lot of Ryan Adams- except for the terrible accent and serial killer hair-do. On our first date we ended up staying in my Hollywood apartment because it actually rained in L.A. We watched KILL BILL and right at the point The Bride goes postal in the restaurant he decides to kiss me. During the best moment in the movie! It was the absolute most horrible, disgusting, sloppiest kiss in the world. I'm too nice of a girl to say anything and we turned back to watching the bloodshed on screen without saying a word. We dated for a couple of weeks and I grew to hate him. I just felt sorry for the dude, until he told me he was HOMELESS. He had been living out of his car for the past 6 months.
That fucking explained why he asked to sleep over my house every night! He was drunk when he told me this and tried explaining that he was indeed not using me. I didn't believe him. Oh, and then he started telling me that he would very much like to date my sister. And he told me that he once slept with his cousin's wife. He was the most arrogant, inconsiderate, rude, hateful prick I had ever met. I started to suspect that maybe he was Satan. The last straw was when I got home from work and he was already in my house. That fucker was sitting in his underwear on my brand new couch watching "Judge Judy". He left that night to do God only knows what and I called him and told him never to come back. That was the beginning of him calling me every day for an entire month. I got so sick of it I finally picked up the phone and told him I'd started to date someone else. He went from upset to, "Oh, that's it? I thought I did something wrong."

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